I am often asked what I have learned about leadership based on working with over 500 Christian business leaders around the world over the past 30 years.

I have observed that leaders need to be careful about what they say because it will reflect a lot about their experience, maturity and ability.

Here are some sayings that you may want to consider not repeating!

1. “I want to pick your brain”

I suggest you don’t ever say this—I don’t hear experienced and successful leaders use this phrase. Is a person’s brain something to be “picked?!” It is often said in the context of someone who wants something for nothing, wasting your time and mining you for information. Why would you allow someone to do that? Using that phrase is an automatic red flag and tags you as a person who is woefully inexperienced. You will likely be deprioritized with those who would be worth spending time with.

 2. “I come along side people”

This is code for: I don’t actually do anything. I asked a ministry fellow, who was seeking financial support, what he did. A somewhat reasonable question. He talked about all the things others were doing. He used a great line: “I come along side people!” In other words, I don’t actually do anything myself. It sounds like he found people who were actually doing things are then became a barnacle on their ship of success.

3. “Can I buy you lunch?”

Really? Are you serious? I generally have had this line from either very inexperienced or young businesspeople who want to connect with more experienced individuals. Or it may be from someone who wants to pitch you on an idea. They somehow think the lure of a free lunch will dwarf the prospect of expending 1-2 hours of valuable time. To have someone use this approach shows their lack of experience. If someone is actually motivated by another person buying them lunch, then they may not be the person to spend lunch with.

4. “Give me a call some time”

Generally, don’t take this statement seriously. Why? This phrase is a variation of “let’s do lunch.” It often is a means to put you off. "You’re not worth my time and I hope I don’t cross paths with you again." When I was young, inexperienced, and gullible I thought that people actually meant it, that they did indeed want to stay connected. But this is not true in most cases. It means they want to get out of this situation, and they hope to never interact with you again. So, the response is, “no, you give me a call some time if you’d like.”

5. “No problem”

I have had this phrase used in various contexts all over the world. What it means: I have no clue. I was in Mexico and went to the hotel front desk because the air-conditioning in my room was not working. I explained the situation. I heard “no problem” multiple times which gave some initial comfort. Up in my room, like Custer, the calvary did not arrive. Not long after I was at a bank in Vancouver at the teller desk trying to arrange an international wire transfer. I explained what I needed. The response: no problem. It soon turned out the teller had no clue what they were doing, so over came the manager to sort it out.   

6. “The Lord told me”

Let’s pray that we are all on good terms with the Lord. And I believe in God’s leading. And we can sense God’s leading in various ways. However some people routinely say, “God told me.” It sounds like a conversation with an audible voice providing specific directions right down to selecting a parking stall. This is particularly not helpful, as challenging the person is like arguing with God. In any setting, including when having board or business meetings, this becomes awkward.

7. “Let’s split the difference”

Don’t. There is a great book written by Chris Voss titled “Never Split the Difference.” Voss explains the false construct of this approach. It is often a reflection of negotiating fatigue. The technique is generally employed on tourist beaches when buying a carpet, with the illusion that the first price had some semblance of credibility as opposed to being proposed as a bogus reference point for, well, splitting the difference. The carpet is worth $20. The seller’s starting point is the farfetched amount of $200—but, hey, let’s be reasonable and split the difference.

8. “Good enough”

This is the birthplace of mediocrity. It means there is not a spirit of excellence as with Daniel. Instead, there should be pride is the pursuit of excellence. A close cousin to “good enough” is the concept that “the customer won’t know the difference.” Steve Jobs, learning from his adoptive father, was adamant that the inside of an iPhone should look good even if people rarely cracked it open (this tale is recounted in the excellent biography on Jobs by Walter Isaacson). Good enough is the enemy of excellence. It is settling for second best.

 9. “I’m in charge”

When you need to assert your authority, it usually means you have none. This reminds me of way back when Ronald Reagan was shot and Gen. Alexander Haig famously said, “I’m in charge.” Everyone cringed—except him. Have you ever been around a self-appointed leader? Having to say you are the boss is a very bad sign. A better reference point is from John Maxwell and his “five levels of leadership.” A low level of leadership is by title. When people have to rely on title and remind people that they are the boss then they don’t have real leadership.

10. “The people I encouraged to be here are here”

I gasped when I heard these words. It was at one of our ELO Forums with a fellow who was attending the conference. He confirmed he was going to organize a table of 10 as he told me he had an extensive network. As the days passed, he was only able to bring 5 attendees. When the day of the Forum arrived—it was just him at his table. It turned out that his relationships weren’t as strong as he thought! As he stood at the entrance to the meeting hall and surveyed the scene of people streaming in, he uttered the immortal phrase: “at least all the people I encourage to come are here!” That was a howler!